Update! Sign of the Apocalypse*/hotdogs and prizes!

UPDATE: KermieD gave me a few suggestions on my search for a new sport. See comments below.

Then read the original post before you jump to the newly added old footage of my competitive day as a downhill wagon racer.

It is a rare day when I read something in the news that makes me do two things:

1. Laugh out loud.
2. Think "This is why the rest of the world hates us."

In the early afternoon on the Fourth of July, CNN.com had this breaking news headline stripped across the top of its Web site:

Joey Chestnut wins Nathan's annual hot dog eating contest in a "dog off" with ex champ Takeru Kobayashi.
Story Developing.

The size of the breaking news headline was worthy of, say, the death of longtime lawmaker former U.S. Sen. Jesse Helms or the daring rescue of three Americans, Colombian presidential candidate Ingrid Betancourt and 11 other Colombians from the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia.

Feeling self-righteous, I swore I wouldn't read about Chestnut's win. I wouldn't be one of those people who gawk at car wrecks on the highway, tying up traffic with their prurient curiosity. But if you don't mind being one of those types, you can read it here. (and maybe tell me about it while I pretend I'm not listening.)

I have to admit the idea of eating as sport intrigues me. I am really, really good at eating. Been doing it all my life. In fact, I'd say I was a natural. I have said half-jokingly that I've given up competitive marathoning because I found less painful ways to abuse my body. I thought about picking up competitive eating until I read:

Death by Cheese and the Dreaded Ruptured Stomach
The Past and Future of Competitive Eating Injuries
by Jason Fagone in www.slate.com. You can read his article here.

Prize alert!!!
So now competitive eating is out. I'm now open to suggestions on a new sport to try.
Best suggestion will get a prize even better than the brass-like desk lamp and the color-changing light cube.

Note to golferdude and others motivated by prizes: I know you're thinking, "She's lyin'. Nothing is better than the brass-like desk lamp." Well, you'll just have to see.

* Sports Illustrated has a feature called Signs of the Apocalypse in which some sports figure is quoted saying something so out there that one has to accept that the end of times has arrived.

UPDATED STUFF: I scrounged around my files and found this old footage of my debut as a downhill wagon racer.

WARNING: Please do not try this at home or anywhere else. Stunts like these should be left to the professionals.