First lesson learned from being in this detox program: Read the label.
In this particular detox program, in addition to meat/caffeine/sugar, I am also supposed to eschew wheat and diary. So I avoid the milk, yogurt, cheese in bread aisles at the grocery store.
I'm in the organic food section, thinking I'm safely ensconced from insurgent trans fat and whatnot. (You have to know that I prepped for this detox by scarfing down the last of the Memorial Day brats and my kids' Halloween candy the night before. Yes, you read that right. Halloween candy that I was supposed to have taken to work to share with students and co-workers.)
My husband and children were eating chicken last night so I didn't want to feel left out. I bought what I thought was soy-based chicken, you know, fake chicken.
Instead, I bought fake fake chicken.
I bought meatless and soy-free naked chik'n cutlets. When I told my friend, a flexitarian, what I had eaten, she asked, "If it's not soy, what's in it?"
Good question. It turns out that I had inadvertently sabotaged my detox. I suffered for naught. My friends would say they suffered more with my constantly blurting out, "Fix me! I have a headache! I haven't had coffee or meat in __ hours."
My fake fake chicken contained mycoprotein, rehydrated egg white, onions, textured wheat protein.
Oy.
Well, might as well finish the box tonight.
Random thoughts:
* I feel like that guy in SuperSize Me, the guy who ate only McDonald's for a month to see what it would do to his body. He logged everything.
I'm going to follow his model. A day after I started the detox, I played racquetball with my friend JJ. It was a little after 9 a.m., and I already had a headache brewing for lack of brew of any sort.
At 9:25 a.m. I had to stop and suck air. I've never had to do that before.
At 9:45 a.m. I got dizzy, but my headache was gone.
I whiffed several balls, but that could just be lack of talent and hand-eye coordination.
JJ made an astute observation this morning after my lackluster effort.
"Maybe you thrive on toxins," said JJ, who does not believe in depriving oneself of anything. "Maybe this detoxifying is really bad for you."
At this moment, JJ speaks the truth.
* I just finished the box of fake fake chicken. I will start anew tomorrow. But that stuff ain't half bad.
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2 comments
Sounds like you're doing an awful lot of unecessary suffering. I know, probably good intentions but lack of planning. ?? Yes?
Girl, go make a big ol' batch of rice and beans (Kuner's black beans with cumin are especially good), grab some hummus, mash some avacado and nosh with chips, down some peanuts...there are tons of good foods you can eat and not suffer....
Unless that was the true and subliminal intent of detox-- to suffer.
And the caffine withdrawl headache-- been there. Now I know to ween down with some green or black tea a few days before the big gig.
Did I mention corn tortilla-bean burritos with tomatoes and tomatillo (green) salsa? (sans cheese of course) :-))
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Can you eat eggs on this program?
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No meat, sugar, caffine, wheat or dairy..but what else?
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